Clueless
by Murasaki B
Summary: Tired of the teasing by his fellow soldiers, Edward leaves Headquarters to find a solution for his problem: How to loose his cat ears and tail? One Shot; Yaoi; TYOS #6


I bet some of you still remember the TYOS I used to write for people that reviewed my story The Art of Breaking a lot. Well, I actually had finished that rewarding, but recently, TAoB surpassed 200 reviews and the one to give the 200th review was **AlchemyGaara**. So now I'm rewarding her. As always she gave me her request and I started to write.

Here's her request:

**Gaara-chan:** _"Well… if its not too weird (and possible to fit into a One Shot) if you could somehow merge a FMA fic (RoyxEd OF COURSE) with a little of the Loveless traits… Such as virgin kitty ears. I just love the idea so much. Too cute. _

_**Benze-chan: **__"Any wish for the rating? And maybe something more specific about the plot? Cause all I can think of is… well… pervy stuff (PWP-like) XD."_

**Gaara-chan: **_"Uhm… well maybe a T or M rating (I'm legal I swear!) and something like if it's Loveless-verse, sort of how Ed still has ears (and of course most everyone else adult-wise doesn't) and maybe some taunting from everyone. Some junk happens, drama drama drama and then Mustang fluff. Or something. Iunno. I know its hard to write a story like this as a oneshot."_

_**Benze-chan: **__"Sounds good enough to me. As long as I have some rough outline, it's fine ^^"_

So there you have it. It took me some thinking, but eventually, I came up with a plot. Somehow… The title sucks big time though, I know.

I usually pick out a song to write, but recently, I haven't been listening to music while writing like I used to, so… Ah well, let's just take some random song. *shuffles iPod* Ah ha ha… No, we won't take a song from the Digimon soundtrack. *shuffles again* Nah, not The Cab either. *shuffles once more* Green Day? Meh, doesn't fit. *shuffles* Panic! At the Disco? No. *shuffles* Paramore? I don't think so. *shuffles* Thousand Foot Krutch? Damn, already had that once. *shuffles* 30 Seconds To Mars? Sheesh, this is getting ridiculous. That's all stuff I'm not listening to at all nowadays. I'll just go with _Shadows_ by _Red._ It's what I've been listening to lately anyway. I already used something by _Red_ before, but right now I don't really care.

I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of its characters. Both belongs to Arakawa Hiromu.

* * *

**– Clueless**** –**

Ears moved rapidly back and forth, a tail agitatedly whipped around. It was the image of a disgruntled cat. Only the one being disgruntled wasn't a cat. At least not a real one.

Small chuckles erupted and only deepened Edward's agitation. One of his eyebrows too began to twitch with suppressed anger, his frustration pulsing from him in waves. And still, the chuckles didn't seize.

"I get it," he hissed through clenched teeth. "I still have my ears and tail. You can stop laughing now." His voice was threateningly low.

Still, the laughters never silenced.

"Shut up!" Edward yelled, jolting up from his seat and angrily marching out of the room.

The door slammed shut behind the angered teen with a few men staying behind.

"Maybe we overdid it a little," a blond man mumbled, an unlit cigarette dangling between his teeth. "Especially with that 'innocent, _little_ kitty-cat' comment.

A spectacled soldier tilted his head a little in thought. "Maybe… But he'll calm down eventually, like he always does." The corners of his mouth curled into a small smile.

But the look of doubt on Havoc's faced remained where it was nonetheless.

Meanwhile, Edward Elric was still stumping down a random corridor, trying to cool down his anger.

_Is it really too much to ask to __not__ be teased for still having your ears and tail? I mean, why are they there anyway? If pretty much everyone looses them sooner or later, then why do we have them in the first place? Sure, they're a sign of purity, innocence and whatever, but they're also plain annoying. You know why you'll never see someone older than thirty that has his ears and tail in public? That's cause they either hide because they're to embarrassed to show themselves or they removed those cat-traits through surgical ways. It's a growing industry by now, the removal of these useless appendages. _

Slowly calming his mind by mentally rambling on, Edward soon found himself outside of Headquarters and out on the streets.

_People loose their ears and tail once they… loose their innocence. It's said to be caused by a certain hormone that's released during that event, but no one was able to create it synthetically up until now. It'd be like the cure to cancer. Well… not like that, but you know what I mean. Since I yet to have lost mine, I'm stuck with getting teased about it by those immature idiots in the Colonel bastard's office. They all lost their ears and tail already, though I'm not sure about Fuery. He's always wearing that freaky hat and in that uniform, you could easily hide a tail. Most people that don't want their innocence revealed do that. _

The teen was unaware of his surroundings changing from streets bustling with life to secluded alleyways.

_Anyway, I've wanted to have my appendages removed too, but since I'm still under-age, I would need the permission of my caretaker, who in my case is the Colonel bastard. Of course, being the bastard he is, he's teasing me by not giving me permission. There's only one other way for me to loose those annoying cat-traits: Loosing my innocence. I don't have a girlfriend, nor the money to 'buy' one. If anything, I would have to simply find someone and if possible, someone that's still innocent like me. I'd feel like an idiot with someone much more experienced than me. Though… maybe it's better? Easier? I don't know. How should I anyway? These questions have been bugging me ever since those idiots started making fun of me! It's all their fault! _

A frustrated groan sounded from the blonde.

_So… I guess… Maybe I should just ask someone still innocent? You know… Make a deal. Like "I'll help you and you'll help me". It would be equivalent exchange and the other person would gain something from it after all. It's the only way. I think if this teasing goes on, I won't be able to contain myself. Heads will roll if not worse… I know that the teasing isn't meant to hurt me, but it still does. I already deeply regret saying this, but Al is lucky to be in that armor. No one can tell if he's innocent or not. I told him that and he just laughed and said that he wouldn't mind either way. That still having cat appendages wouldn't matter to him at all. I wish I could think like that, but I can't. It's my stupid pride. I tell myself to just get up, find someone to fuck with and get it over with. I'll be rid of those useless ears and the tail, the teasing will stop (At least that's what I hope) and those stupid women won't be giving me those… those… hungry looks anymore. _

Edward shivered a little at that thought.

_I hope the creepy ol' guys looking at me will stop giving me weird looks too. They're scary… No! They're plain perverted! Perverted bastards! Lechers! Ugh…_

As the sky began to darken, the Fullmetal Alchemist continued to aimlessly walk around, lost in his own thoughts.

_It's decided then! I'll just find someone and ask them to 'help me out'. Come on, it can't be that hard to find a nice girl. Let's see…_

It only took a few seconds and Edward already spotted a group of girls. There were three of them, one with no appendages at all and the other two seeming to still be innocent.

_Great! I'll ask one of… them… Wait… They're all fucking taller than me!_

Defeat weighing down on the poor teen, Edward slumped together on his feet, dropping his head low. He gave up on that day's plan – like he always did – and was about to just walk into the other direction, hoping he would miraculously find his way back. But when he turned, he walked right into something hard and almost fell to the ground from the impact. He looked up to see another teen's face, a boy his age to be precise.

"Ah, sorry," the stranger apologized. "I wasn't watching where I was going."

Edward only shook his head with a little chuckle. "Nah, it's my fault. I should've heard you walking behind me." _Why was he so close behind me anyway? Weird… Wait!_ "Uh…" The blonde couldn't help but stare up at the other. His blue eyes and black hair, the small smile curling his lips, the ears flicking around on his head. _Ears! _

"What?" The boy tilted his head, noticing that he was being stared at. "Oh, these!" he exclaimed, reaching up to carefully grab one of his ears. "Ah… yeah… I guess you know what situation I'm in. I just never… you know… had anyone to do _it_ with."

_Maybe… _"Uh… I get what you mean, really. Same here." Nervously, Edward rubbed the back of his neck, noticing that the stranger was barely one or two inches taller than him. "I'm Ed, by the way. Edward Elric." He reached out one hand for the other to shake.

"Nice to meet you," the taller of the two replied, shaking the blonde's hand with a smile. "My name's Raymond Porter, but you can call me Ray."

"Hi, Ray," Edward chuckled.

A lop-sided grin appeared on Raymond's face and a thought seemed to hit him as he released the blonde's hand. "How about we go grab something to eat? In case you don't have anything else to do that is."

"Not at all," Edward replied somewhat nervously. "I'd like to eat something."

Raymond's smile widened a little and he startled the blonde by grabbing his hand and dragging him along. "I know this really awesome place where we can eat," he uttered while running. "The people there are really great."

Edward let himself be lead down the sidewalk. Long forgotten was his reason for wandering the streets at the early afternoon, the sun just beginning to set. Only a light hue of orange was starting to tint the blue sky.

It only took three minutes of running and the two boys reached what looked like a small café. It was nothing fancy-looking, but seemed like something small and comfy. Only two people were standing inside and behind a counter, about four guests occupying a few tables. Edward and Raymond entered, the Fullmetal Alchemist eyeing the place's interior. It was plain and simple, a light blue covering the walls, normal wooden chairs and tables littered along the tiled floor. It was nice.

"Ah, Ray!" a middle-aged man greeted from behind the counter. "Nice to see you! You brought a friend?"

Raymond nodded, glancing sideways to Edward. "I literally bumped into him and we decided to eat something." He averted his gaze back to the man behind the counter. "Anything you'd recommend today, Werner?"

The man's eyes immediately lit up. "I have just the right thing for you two," he exclaimed joyfully. "Sit down, I'll bring it to you once it's ready."

"Thanks a lot!" Again, Raymond grabbed his newly found friend's wrist and lead him to one of the vacant tables.

They sat down facing each other, then exchanged a few more words and waited for the food. When it did come, Edward gulped from simply smelling it.

"Here you go," Werner muttered. "Sandwiches for both of you. Don't worry about paying. It's on the house."

Even though it was just sandwiches, they still smelled like the most tasty sandwiches Edward had ever laid eyes on. He took his first bite, noticing that they tasted as good as they smelled. In just a matter of maybe a minute, he had devoured his whole sandwich, Raymond finishing his just a few seconds later. "That was just what I needed." Edwards sighed contently, leaning back in his seat.

A happy grin curled the other teen's lips. "Do you have anything to do right now or do you still have some time to spare?"

"I can't think of anything," the blonde replied, pondering if Mustang still needed him for something. _Screw it. Even if he needs me for some useless stuff, I can't stand any more of this teasing today. _"What do you wanna do?"

A somewhat predatory glint appeared in Raymond's blue eyes. "Take you home with me."

Edward could feel the heat rushing to his cheeks. "Uh… sure."

The glint in the raven's eyes disappeared as quickly as it had appeared, a smile now occupying Raymond's face. "Awesome! My dad's not there right now, so we'll have the house all for ourselves."

_Well… he seems okay enough. And he's kinda handsome. _"Hey, um… I was wondering… Maybe we could… you know…" He cast his gaze down to the floor, blushing madly as he couldn't look the other in the eye anymore, but pointing at his ears to make his request clear to the other. By doing this, he didn't see Raymond's cheeks gaining a pink hue.

"I wouldn't mind," the blue-eyed teen mumbled with a blush, a few black strands of hair hanging loosely across his face. "But would that even work? I mean… two guys…"

Amber eyes slightly widened and Edward's expression too became thoughtful. "I guess we need to try then," he uttered with a chuckle.

Raymond's face too gained a hesitant smile.

_For a moment here I thought he was some kind of lady-killer, _Edward mused. _Well… gentlemen… killer… whatever. I mean "I want to take you home with me"… I guess he was just a little nervous. _

They both left after a small chat with Werner. Again, Raymond was the one to lead them to their new destination, which they reached about ten minutes later. The raven's house wasn't big and seemed to harbor enough room for two people.

_Then Ray lives alone with his dad._

Raymond fumbled around in his pockets a little, before pulling out a key. After unlocking the door, he beckoned his new friend inside.

Raymond's house, just like the café they had been to, wasn't fancy or very big. Plain yellow-brownish walls, light wooden floors, a small kitchen to the right, a living room ahead and to the left a staircase leading to a different floor, probably with individual rooms. It wasn't shabby, nor extremely clean. The air was a little stuffy, but not suffocating. To Edward it seemed like an average house, the kind many citizens of Amestris probably lived it.

"Uh… So this is my house," Raymond mumbled when they were standing in the middle of the corridor. He was still seeming a little nervous. "I guess we… um… should go upstairs. To my room, you know."

Edward simply nodded, nervousness claiming his own mind. After all, he could be loosing his innocence that day. After putting away his trade-mark crimson coat and revealing a simple black shirt instead of his usual attire, he followed the other teen upstairs. All the while, he was fumbling around with one sleeve of his shirt and biting around on his lower lip. His tail too was flicking with anxiety, while his ears where up and tilted slightly forward, showing his perceptiveness. It was only a short distance to Raymond's room and he soon found himself sitting on the other's bed and facing him.

Hesitantly, the raven reached out to the other and touched his cheek. After resting a thumb on the soft skin for a while, he leaned forward and slowly pressed his lips to Edward's, a moan already leaving his mouth. With both his hands he began to cup the blonde's face, deepening the kiss and pushing against the slightly shorter teen. He kept pushing until he had pushed Edward down onto the mattress, letting his tongue slip into the alchemist's mouth.

Enjoying the kiss, Edward moaned and gasped into the kiss, a trail of saliva running from the corner of his mouth when tongues joined in. Raymond started to nibble at his lower lip, sucking on it and biting it lightly. Edward though was growing impatient and plunged his tongue into the other's mouth, sliding the slick muscle around his partner's. He felt a sudden insatiable hunger for the warmth in Raymond's mouth and all he wanted to do was literally rape that hot cave. Hence, he groaned in displeasure when Raymond's mouth left to wander somewhere else, namely Edward's neck.

The raven-haired teen placed small bites all over the skin of the blonde's neck, traveling lower and lower. He ignored Edward suddenly sitting up and tangling his fingers in his black hair. Raymond simply continued to kiss the other's warm and slightly damp skin. Only when the blonde pushed him down so that he was lying on his back, did Raymond gasp a little. Now he was staring up at Edward, the sweat beginning to cover his forehead and his lips parting with small pants.

Both suddenly felt flustered and looked away with hot blushes tinting their cheeks.

Raymond was the first to look at Edward again and waited until the blonde too focused his gaze on him again. "Are you sure about this? Us… doing this."

Unconsciously, Edward reached towards Raymond's cheek to stroke it, then nodded. He could feel Raymond hesitating as he reached around him until his hand was resting on his rear, giving it a shy squeeze. Then his hands traveled away again to grasp the blonde's belt buckle, pulling it open. His hand remained where it was for a short moment then reached inside to roam.

When a hand grasped his cock, Edward wasn't able to hold himself up longer and he harshly fell onto Raymond. He couldn't help but buck into the raven's hand, moaning louder and louder. His breathe came out in harsh pants, puffs of his hot breathe hitting Raymond's neck.

They were so indulged in their making out that they never heard the door opening or steps approaching them from the stairs. But when the door smashed open and slammed into the wall next to it, they parted for a second to stare at the newcomer in shock.

Edward's eyes widened and he took in a shuddering breathe. "C-Colonel?"

Apparently, Colonel Roy Mustang was highly pissed about the sight he now was eyeing. His subordinate on top of another boy around his age, the stranger's hand in Edward's _pants_, both panting heavily, with definite arousal shining in their eyes and from their flushed skin. There was utter rage in his hard glare. "What exactly is going on here?" he hissed.

Slowly, Edward sat up, not minding that the shocked Raymond's hand was still wrapped around his member. _How the hell did he find me? _The blonde was having issues calming his breathing and it seemed impossible to gain back at least a little composure. "That's none of your business, bastard."

The scowl on Mustang's face only sharpened. Without a word, he stepped forward and harshly grabbed his subordinate's arm, then pulled him off of the other teen.

"Ed!" Raymond suddenly yelled, his body still paralyzed from surprise.

Mustang ignored Edward's protests, his trashing and yelling, and dragged him away, out of the room, down the stairs, out of the house, away from whoever had been touching his subordinate. Since Edward still had his ears and tail – with said ears moved back in distate and the tail swishing around with agitation – Mustang could assume that his subordinate hadn't lost his innocence yet.

"Let me go, you bastard!" Edward yelled, trying to pry the Colonel's hand off his wrist. "What are you doing anyway?" His voice rose in volume until he was yelling, uncaring about any passer-bys giving him weird looks. "You can't just barge into my life like this! Who do you think you are, huh?"

"Your superior officer," the raven-haired man replied curly. They reached a black car in which Havoc was waiting for them with one of the back-seat's door already opened. Mustang simply pushed Edward into the car, following shortly after himself. He closed the door and signaled Havoc to start driving, which he did. Now they were headed for Headquarters. "And I should ask you what you thought you were doing."

"That's none of your business!" Edward hissed, buckling up his pants.

The Colonel didn't back down. "Who was that?"

"A friend." Edward crossed his arms over his chest, a defiant look on his face.

"For how long have you known him?"

_Won't he stop asking already? _"Long enough."

A sigh left the older soldier. "You only met him today, haven't you?"

"It's not like I just went home with him without knowing him at all."

"There are other ways," Mustang stated with a stern look.

"Oh?" Sarcasm lined that one word. "And those would be?"

"You could have asked someone else you actually know longer than a few hours."

A blond eyebrow rose questioningly. _How does he know how long I've known Ray?_ "Who? I only know very few people my age and I wouldn't want to do anything with them."

"Because you don't like girls." It was more stating a fact than asking a question.

"Yeah. Wait! _No!_ What gave you that idea?"

Now a smirk played along the Colonel's lips. "The fact that you were about to loose your innocence to a very male-looking person."

A blush quickly covered the blonde's cheeks. "Th-That's…" _Did he seriously follow me?_

"You could have asked me."

"Yeah, I…" The words seemed to take a while to actually sink in. When they did, Edward released a yelp. "What?"

* * *

Oh damn… I had Ed smexing around with a random OC… The actual plan of this story was to have Ed go out, meet the OC, go away with him, but Mustang was supposed to appear much sooner, then him to smex around with Ed. Sheesh… I can understand if you hate this. I'm usually very confident about my own stories, but this just wrote itself and somehow got out of hand. And once I finish a story, I never re-write it, only correct mistakes and maybe add things, but never change anything about the plot. Sorry! I feel horrible about letting a OC control this story and take over my writing! DDD: *sigh* I need to exactly write down my stories' plots before I start writing.

Benze ;P


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